Joke thread

**diver99** · 09-26-2012, 04:33 PM

WAR HORSE.....isn't about a Geordie pony!

**Woolgar** · 09-26-2012, 04:42 PM

A little boy and his father are listening to the Fuhrer's speech on the radio as Germany declares war on the USA. The boy asks his father where the USA is. The father takes down a globe and runs his hand across the USA, saying "All of this area of North America, son".

The boy looks at the globe and asks "and where is the British Empire?". The father indicates Britain, Canada, South Africa, Australia, New Zealand, and India on the globe.

"I see", said the boy. "And where is Russia?" The father showed him the sprawling mass of the USSR on the globe. The boy's eyebrows furrowed with concentration.

"And where is Germany?", he asks. His father points at the area of central Europe where the Reich is located. The boy looks very concerned and says "Dad, has Hitler seen this?"

**stuka f** · 10-04-2012, 06:13 AM

Best part in "The great escape"
La grande Evasion - YouTube

**diver99** · 10-04-2012, 07:05 AM

There was an explosion at a nearby flooring company...it was disastrous.....linoleum blownapart...

**Jerry B** · 10-04-2012, 04:52 PM

**big ned** · 10-04-2012, 05:00 PM

I know how he feels.........

**Woolgar** · 10-04-2012, 05:11 PM

In WW2 a farmer buys a young cockerel. As soon as it comes home, it rushes and screws all the 150 hens...The farmer is impressed. At lunch, the cockerel again screws all the 150 hens. The farmer gets tense now. The next day he finds the cockerel screwing the ducks and the geese. Later the farmer finds the cockerel pale, half-dead and vultures circling overhead. The farmer says "you deserve that you horny b*****d!"
The cockerel opens one eye, points up and whispers "sssshhhh! They are about to land!!"

**big ned** · 10-04-2012, 05:32 PM

Four British soldiers, an Englishman, Welshman, Irishman and Scotsman are captured by the Taliban in Helmand province, and told by the terrorist leader that they are to be executed. But he will allow each of them a last request before sentence is carried out.

He first approaches the Scotsman and says "What is your last request Scottish....!"

The Scotsman replies, "I would like 100 pipers to play 'Flower of Scotland' for me before I die!"

The mullah looks at him through narrowed eyes, "O.K. Scottish, so be it!"

He then asks the Welshman the same question.

The Welshman replies," I would request that a Welsh male voice choir sing 'Land of my Fathers' for me before I die!"

The rag head nods, "O.K. Welshman, I let it be!"

He then turns to the Irishman, and asks him his last request.

The Irishman replies, "I would like 100 Irish dancers to perform 'The River Dance' for me before I die!"

The Arab raises his eyes skyward and mutters " Hmm...Very well, I allow it!"

He finally turns to the Englishman, "Engleesh, what is your last request!"

And the Englishman replies, "Shoot me first!!!"