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German WW2 jokes

Article about: Hello, I wanna present some German WW2 black humour jokes, created by Harald Schmidt, a popular German TV comedian. I think in the times of terror you need something to laugh and get other t

  1. #1

    Default German WW2 jokes

    Hello, I wanna present some German WW2 black humour jokes, created by Harald Schmidt, a popular German TV comedian. I think in the times of terror you need something to laugh and get other thoughts:

    Why are we drinking an Austrian beer, when the German economy is doing badly? Are we ready for a new war?

    The German Bahn presents the new "Interrail Ticket". 4 weeks free travel with one ticket through Europe. In the past we called it Wehrmacht.

    Please listen, listen you wonderful American people, be careful with the area around Domburg, Mittelburg and Renesse. And Seeland. Avoid Seeland, you can see it, because there are big wind mills and a big traffic jam, some kilometers behind Antwerp. Dont bomb this traffic jam. Thats we. You saved us. You freed us. Also the people, who didnt want to be free. 70 years ago. You gave us Coca Cola and shaving brushes and everything. And some of you fu...ed our Fräuleins. So be careful, please!

    Today a famous German lady is celebrating her 100th anniversary - Leni Riefenstahl. Happy birthday! 100 years or how some senior Germans call it: one-tenth Reich.
    Leni Riefenstahl did popular films like "Triumph des Willens", where the Führer used a plane for his election battle. You can say everything bad about the Führer, but he never has used air miles.

    Adolf Hitler, the bad dictator, dindt take money for his job as Reichskanzler, cause he told the people, that he earns enough money with writing. 6 million sold books of Mein Kampf. And now the scientists found out, that he also earned money for the fact, that his head was on all stamps. Unbelievable! He built his home on the Obersalzberg by using public money. Prevented with the motto "Reich ins Heim" (Heim ins Reich).

    Our Bundeskanzler Gerhard Schröder disgrees about the Iraq politics of George Bush and Tony Blair. I think, that it would be bad, if we get trouble with our American and British friends - now, when we build up Dresden again.

    Its a cliche, that all Nazis were blond. The biggest Nazi was not blond. Or did the Führer dye his hair?

    Now you can buy a new DVD of the Führer. With a making off and some extra campaings, which were not shown in the war.

    Hitler has read Karl May? OMG! Did Karl May make the rising of the Nazis possible? Was Winnetou a Gauleiter? But Old Shatterhand was a Nazi ideal: blond, with blue eyes and gay.

    Why IKEA became so popular in Germany? Cause the Germans had no furniture after the war. The furniture, which was not hidden by the bombs of America, the Russians took with them to Moscow.

    Boy, you became so thin during the war. Didnt you get any food? No, I coulndt open the ration packs.

    Who of my television crew gave me this old school looking headset? Im looking like Göring in Nürnberg...

    Our new Italian menu for restaurants: Tagliatelle with salmon, Tagliatelle without salmon and the children's portion "Mussolini".

  2. #2


    I'm ready.....Please, shoot me now.

    German WW2 jokes
    'I do not think we can hope for any better thing now.
    We shall stick it out to the end, but we are getting weaker of course, and the end cannot be far.
    It seems a pity, but I do not think I can write more. R. SCOTT.
    Last Entry - For God's sake look after our people.'

    In memory of Capt. Robert Falcon Scott, Edward Wilson, Henry Bowers, Lawrence Oates and Edgar Evans. South Pole Expedition, 30th March 1912.

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    I actually made one up the other day, I think it was that time of the morning on the toilet, when I have my clearest thoughts

    What is the name of the maneuver Heinz Guderian used to split France in half to achieve his Blitzkrieg victory?

    A "Panzer Division".


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    @big: I thought, that the rifle of Feldwebel Schultz had no bullets inside.

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    I'm not sure if I should throw tomatoes or potatoes..
    We have met the enemy and have learned nothing more about him. I have, however, learned some things about myself. There are things men can do to one another that are sobering to the soul. It is one thing to reconcile these things with God, but another to square it with yourself. - Robert Leckie

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    Well, tomatoes can be eaten raw and wouldn't hurt nearly as bad

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    Its time of the Last Judgement. Stalin, Churchill and Hitler have to walk through a swamp area. The man, who told the most lies to his people, sinks more and more in the mud of the swamp. The mud reached Churchill´s knee. After Churchill went Stalin and the mud reached his belly button. Then its Hitler´s round. But he doesnt sink. The other two ask the Führer, why he doesnt sink in the swamp. The Führer answers: Im standing on the shoulders of Göbbels.

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    German WW2 jokes

    Semper Fi
    Attached Images Attached Images German WW2 jokes 

  9. #9


    Tough crowd

    Laughter man, it's good for the soul, lol.

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    I know that my English is horrible, but its also funny, when the Americans and Britains in this forum try to speak German. Or the French, who forget to use the letter H.

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