Well, you posted the thread so stand by for some hard advice from those who really have "seen the ocean".
When I was 16 I became a soldier following a fairly tough upbringing (no complaints from me). During the first two weeks I had more beatings than the rest of my life put together but I was not unfairly treated (I deserved it) it was education. Not too long (about 18 months) I was getting shot at, petrol bombed and spat at by people of the same nationality. I was just 19 when a colleague standing no more than a metre away was shot dead by a sniper. This was just the start of a long and mostly (apart from the really exciting bits) happy career. I eventually ended up in a job that shows me all the really nasty characteristics of people at large. Along the way I have had personal grief of course. Not least of which was my wife suffering two major cancers (she survived) as did my sister at the same time (she didn't) and my own health issues ( a result of my earlier experiences) currently threatening my sight.
None of this has made me as self pitying as you seem to be now.
I don't mean to be unsympathetic but you have to realise that you are so young and have so little experience of life that you really must get a grip and deal with the things that are distressing you now which are ,as you will realise later, small beer.
Get a hold of yourself and as Gunny says Man Up FFS!
As my old Sgt Maj used to say "they can't shoot you and they can't make you pregnant, so how bad can it be?"
This is surely the most wonderful post I have ever read on this forum. Hurra!